Dealing With Societal Attitudes Toward Special Needs Children

Society seems to have two completely different sets of attitudes toward special needs children depending on whether you're dealing with charities, business, and government on one side, or with private individuals and private groups on the other. It can be shocking to experience a transition between the two.

The Public Face

When you deal with a public-facing group -- a charity, a business, an NGO, what have you -- the attitude tends to be along an axis that runs from frustration to pity. On the negative side, a service person who runs toward the extreme of the frustration angle can be bone-chillingly polite in explaining to you why your child can't participate in something -- or staggeringly condescending in taking pity on your child's inability to do so. On the positive side, somewhere in the middle, there is a 'sweet spot' where a service person takes just enough pity to stand up for your kid, and is just frustrated enough with the system to make sure your kid gets what they deserve at the same time.

When dealing with a frustrated service person, remember the first three letters of the word:

• Feel for them. You know what it's like to be frustrated with your child -- allow them the right to experience that same feeling, and don't be upset with them for doing so.
• React calmly. Don't yell or get defensive. At the same time, however, react firmly: if they cross a line, tell them that they've done so, and that it's unacceptable.
• Use patience. No matter how much pressure you feel to accomplish some goal by some time, remember that it's a very rare occasion that an extra five minutes would completely destroy your child's ability to enjoy an activity or place.

When dealing with someone who is overly pitying your child, remember the important part isn't what their attitude is doing to you -- it's what they may be unconsciously telling your child. You don't want your child to receive the message 'you are incapable.' But it's generally fairly easy to overcome that risk by making the service person a co-conspirator. "Listen," you tell them, "I don't want my child to feel like we're taking pity on her because of her disorder, so please act like what you're doing is perfectly normal, OK?"

Behind Closed Doors

When it comes to people who don't believe that they're being watched, or that their jobs don't depend on being politically correct, a whole different venue of humanity opens up. Many people -- more than half -- will operate as above. But a significant few show a much darker side -- a side full of judgment, fear, and even hatred -- directed equally at your child... and at you.

Unfortunately, there is no pithy advice for dealing with or manipulating these people. The best thing you can do is be open, show the pain you're feeling (don't hide behind anger or sarcasm), and ask them: why are you so hateful toward someone that has done nothing to hurt you or anyone else? Call it what it is, be firm, but make it very clear that they are hurting something profoundly innocent in a way that is incomprehensible.

By Peter Mangiola

Dealing With Societal Attitudes Toward Special Needs Children 2015-06-14T02:46:00-07:00 Rating: 4.5 Diposkan Oleh: Admin